I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
