Having a random hookup so left but love u
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
