A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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