Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I want to fling myself into the sun
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Randomize
