I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
