Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
