we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Randomize
