Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Randomize
