I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize
