I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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