Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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