last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
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I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
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