i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Randomize
