For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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