Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
