dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
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