Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
