was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
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