my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
