woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
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all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
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I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I am naked and annoyed.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
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