she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Randomize
