i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
