first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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