$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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