he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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