Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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