i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
