i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Randomize