Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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