He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
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