I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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