Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
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