is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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