Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
