i permit you to call me
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
