I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Randomize
