He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
