Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
