and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
