Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
