Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
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