Got a toothbrush?
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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