I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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