guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
