I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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