where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
