oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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