why does hillary duff have a greatest hits album?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
