Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Semen is not good for contacts.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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