It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
