So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
The beer is more important than you right now.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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