Me too!
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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