One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
