This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
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