Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
Randomize