The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
