we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
