This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize