my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
