Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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