you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
