How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
