My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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