The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
Randomize
