Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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