why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
