cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
