Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I just had sex on a roof
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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