She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
