you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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