That's intense
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Randomize
