I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
