Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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