I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
