I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
