She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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