im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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