You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
