You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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