I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
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I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
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You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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