Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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